Okay.....

For about three months now I've been avoiding another post - I know that's not hard to believe since I'm not that much of what you may call a "consistent" poster to begin with, but this time there is a very specific reason......

My grandpa is gone.

Just having to type those words makes it all hurt all over again. He passed away in early February after going in to the Hospital shortly after Christmas. He was at my house on Christmas. My girls last saw him that afternoon.

He was my hero - my unsung hero that quietly became enraged for us when there was an unjustice. He was the man who showed me what to look for in a husband and then proudly gave me away when I found that. He loved me and I loved him.....and now he is gone.

And I don't feel the same. I feel different. My life has changed so much, and yet it all continues like nothing. Losing him makes me lose grandma all over again. How can I not send them updated pictures? How could I ever delete their numbers from my phone? I was so close to them for the first 30 years of my life. They can't both be gone in less than a year.

And yet they are. What happens now?

I know I will see them again. I know they are both watching out for all of us and are going to celebrating our accomplishments and joys right along with us. But my girls won't have the chance to know them like I knew them and that hurts. One day at time I guess......I will see them in the girls and will have to remember those moments and stories and preserve them (My sister started another blog for this!)

And now I've written this. In a way it helps a little because I was avoiding it, and all the while it's been in the back of my mind. Avoiding it wasn't about not telling people - anyone reading this should know what happened anyway - this was about my "issues"...... So look to the other blog for these moments and stories we'll be sharing. And look to this one for updates, changes and those accomplishments with the girls. There are sure to be many.